Oversharing is often misunderstood as a lack of self-restraint or boundaries, but my therapist explained that it’s far more complex and deeply rooted in emotional dynamics within relationships. It’s a painful response, born out of feeling unseen, unheard, and neglected. For the person who overshares, it can feel less like a choice and more like a desperate attempt to be understood after feeling cornered by silence and indifference.

Oversharing as a Cry for Connection

My therapist said that oversharing frequently occurs when someone feels emotionally neglected. It’s not about wanting to overwhelm the other person but about seeking reassurance in the absence of meaningful connection. When attempts to share feelings are met with dismissal or indifference, the urge to overshare can grow stronger, it can be compared to shouting in order to be heard.


My therapist explained that women are often expected to carry the emotional labor, navigating complex feelings while ensuring harmony in their relationships. But when these efforts aren’t reciprocated, or when their emotions are dismissed, it creates a deep sense of seclusion. Oversharing, in these cases, becomes a survival mechanism—a way to bridge the gap and demand the care they deserve.


The Pain of Feeling Cornered

My therapist described the act of oversharing as something that often feels forced, not voluntary. It’s what happens when someone feels pushed into a corner emotionally, with no one willing to truly hear or understand them. The oversharer might feel as though they’ve tried everything else—subtle expressions, measured communication, patience—only to be ignored or misunderstood time and again.


When this happens, oversharing becomes a last resort, a way of saying, “Please see me, please understand how much I’m struggling.” But instead of relief, the act often leaves the oversharer feeling vulnerable and ashamed, as though they’ve exposed too much of themselves to someone who didn’t care enough to notice in the first place. My therapist said that this emotional aftermath is particularly excruciating, reinforcing the same feelings of abandonment that drove the oversharing in the first place. And it is.


Why Reassurance Matters

What oversharers truly want, my therapist emphasized (and I agree), isn’t attention or pity—it’s reassurance. But this reassurance must go beyond hollow words. It requires consistent actions that align with those words, actions that demonstrate care and attentiveness. My therapist explained that even SIMPLE GESTURES—a partner actively listening, validating their feelings, being consistent, or following through on promises—can make a world of difference.


When a partner is dismissive, inconsistent, or emotionally unavailable, it creates a cycle of desperation and oversharing. My therapist said that the partner’s lack of responsiveness often forces the oversharer into this painful position, making them feel as though the only way to be seen or valued is to reveal everything, no matter how vulnerable it makes them feel.


The Deeper Pain of Oversharing

My therapist also highlighted that the pain of oversharing isn’t just about embarrassment or vulnerability—it’s about the hurt of being pushed to a point where oversharing feels like the only option. It’s the anguish of knowing that your words may still fall on deaf ears, that even after baring your soul, the connection you’re desperately seeking might not materialize.


Every time someone overshares, they relive the ache of being emotionally dismissed. And when this pattern repeats—when oversharing is met with more indifference—it only deepens their sense of isolation. My therapist said this cycle is one of the most painful aspects of oversharing: the feeling that, no matter how much you reveal, it’s never enough to earn the attention and care you deserve.


What I’ve Come to Understand

Through therapy, I’ve realized that oversharing is not a weakness or a character flaw—it’s an emotional survival mechanism. It’s a way of coping with feeling unseen and unheard, especially in relationships where emotional safety is lacking. My therapist reminded me that this isn’t something to be ashamed of. Instead, it’s a sign of unmet needs—a cry for understanding, care, and love from someone who truly matters.


For relationships to heal, my therapist said, partners must learn to listen, validate, and show their love not just through words but through consistent actions. Oversharing doesn’t happen in a vacuum—it’s a response to emotional neglect. And when partners make the effort to provide emotional safety, the need to overshare naturally diminishes, replaced by a sense of connection and security that every relationship should have.